Archive for January 2010

The Shrewshape E-Mails; To: DracoVox, Re: Spin Control, Again

January 16, 2010

“The devill . . the prowde spirite . . cannot endure to be mocked.”—Thomas More

My Esteemed Colleague DracoVox,

I hesitate to bring this to your attention. It concerns your Patient, the Certifiably. Again! Also your Newlyweds. I hesitate, as you have a deservedly brilliant reputation; you have deftly handled the patients in your vast Reach, and have used the Certifiably very carefully in the past. You redacted his history at KFC and  expertly spinned  the more bizarre behaviors that made it into that Report That Must Not Be Named .  How regrettable! the author was allowed to go on record recanting that he had ever recanted.* And then his untimely departure to that Permanent Place of Punishment, that is, the Enemy’s Presence! And so that dreadful document haunts the Internet still. How I hate that terrible technology! The ease of Pornographic and Gaming delivery to the patients is not enough to redeem it in my eyes.

Yes, most worthy Dracovox, you are the Master of Spin, as you demonstrated in your superb handling of the downfall of “The Terror of The Lord”! It invokes awe. Hardly a ripple among from among them, very hush-hush, (because it is of the most delicate nature!), and so this climate enabled that attempt to restore him at Fakeland. How easily these gutless wonders forgive and forget– witness the Newlyweds! And look how our patients forget every proven false word and forgive every bizarre vision the Certifiably says because it is from the Enemy. You larded ‘the Prophetic Movement’ with enough caveats to get the Certifiably off any hook–so brilliant! No stoning of false prophets is called for, because predictions are conditional (enough people evidently repented, so…) Or the Enemy decided to delay things for some reason, or (best of all) the ‘maturing’ of the gifts is necessary so prophets can’t be held to 100% accuracy. What is Accuracy anyway? What is Truth? So excellently has my dear brother Screwtape moved the goalposts, that not even standards of competence remain for this generation. Scrumptious.

You are a manipulater as skillful as my dear sibling, and I bow before your amazing skill. I understand completely why the Ludicrous Buffoon and his Atrophy Wife were assigned as your patients–clearly there needs to be a master of damage control, well in charge. Yet I am uneasy about the Ludicrous Buffoon’s relaunch. I don’t think awareness is where we want it to be; note that the YouTube videos are still getting plenty of jeers and not enough advocates carrying the David and Bathsheba message–we must disable comments there! Even his own handlers are questioning the wisdom of his return to “ministry”; saying, “too soon, much too soon—wasn’t the sweet couples ‘confession’ taped just two months ago”? And now the Ludicrous Buffoon is onstage at our Point of Sale? No, not appropriate, not even for this group of patients. Can’t we send the Newlyweds on a honeymoon trip to Haiti, where they can set up some orphanages and hospitals? They are in desperate need of some credibility, and such a move would be purgative in the eyes of his target market, who are restive about this.

We’ve played on our patient’s confusion of good works and “fruit of the Spirit” very effectively in positioning others for the mainstream. We had the Mother Teresa  Barbie on CBN, doing her Jesus-Is-the- Best-Lover-Ever shtick–and she even falls out of her chair in her ecstasies! (We must reassess the Bridal Paradigm and how far to push it. The patients will soon be having orgies in front of the altars, and the guilt and shame of that might be devastating in it’s impact–we might awaken their reason!)

Mother Teresa Barbie’s public lasciviousness gets a pass from the gullible because of her  work with orphans in Mozambique. So it is simple! The Ludicrous Buffoon’s purification ritual doesn’t have to be for too long; we know what a cash cow he is for his handlers, so they won’t have to part with him too long. I recommend Haiti at the soonest.

Remember, we are seeking to launch the Atrophy as a serious Woman Of God, even a teacher! This campaign been seriously compromised by two unfortunate episodes. Certifiably’s “casting curses off” at our Point of Sale was not such a good move. Then so soon after that, the Oral Roberts Impartation. Discourage wild headshaking like “Snake Lady” for this patient as yet—since Exstasis is only at the pull promotion stage here. There is not enough demand for it. No-one, not even those we’ve hammered with our “offend the mind” message, wants to look that overtly possessed. Yet. Please rein in your pupils here. I like to have fun with the patients as well as the next tempter, but our overall campaign to make these movements mainstream will be compromised with these over-the-top behaviors.

We have strained our patients credulity with these untimely events. These will soon be YouTube staples: Imagine the titles: Prophecy: Shoes and Shunnamites? and then there is: Some Necromancy With Oral Roberts; or “A Dead Elephant in the Middle of the Bentley Living Room” or… Oh dear. I fear we may be losing control of our message, and may be risking this entire campaign.

But we’re good here pushing the same-old same-old, “hungry” call-to-action motivator–and I am hungry just thinking of the Buffoon, now aping the old-time preacher man–that southern twang and hyper-accented syllable at the end of his sentences. So old-timey and comforting to his target market.  Hungry!

Yes, so hungry for YOU, you Ludicrous Buffoon, and all such pathetic idolators. Hungry for you to join us in the wonderful buffet, given in your honor by Our Father Below. Luscious.

Yes, hungry, but we must be leery of overconfidence.

Our strategy has been greatly effective, yet frankly I worry that we are growing careless, and too sure of ourselves. We can still lose this demographic of patients. Let’s call a meeting of principals from the various channels to work out the overall campaign–I think we need some serious SWOT analysis.  We can brainstorm over breakfast at the the House of Correction for Incompetent Tempters. Sound good to you?

I am ravenously hungry just thinking about it.

Your Fellow Principal Spirit,
SHREWSHAPE

* For “The Vindication of Ernie Gruen”,  an interview obtained by the Greycoats before the death of Mr. Gruen, I am so grateful.  The False Prophetic have been experts at editing their history.  This report cannot be refuted.

The Shrewshape E-Mails, To: Wormsponge Re: A Caution

January 12, 2010

“The best way to drive out the devil, if he will not yield to texts of Scripture, is to jeer and flout him, for he cannot bear scorn.”—Luther

MY DEAR WORMSPONGE,

You must listen to the counsel of your mentor here: our patient must never know we are laughing at her. That was much too bold a move, my dear niece–your hilarious laughter that even Beni Johnson heard, after she blew her shofar, rang her bell, and screamed the proof of her credulousness. I would have laughed too, as she was pulling out of the rest stop in her RV; but, my worthy apprentice, as dreary as this sounds, self-control is of the utmost importance at this critical point. We almost have them completely set apart for our Father Below. Others of her sort, albeit, the ones who really check out and believe the Enemy’s fiendish words, are shocked by this whole episode.

So there is danger here–way too much blogging on and on about it, and laughing! Though you know how our group of patients likes to “offend the mind” and all, yet they hate to be laughed at! The shame of appearing ridiculous might awake our patient’s reason, and we can’t have that at all! Until our control of the Internet is sealed in her territory–though I have it on good authority that one of our “Czars” will move on this any day–there is simply Too Much Information out there, and our patient may notice the laughter, and actually begin to think! so you must be more circumspect.

Or her husband may get wind of it, and he might begin to see how silly your delicious scheme makes them out to be, and put a stop to it. You know how careful he is of his image, to always look like a reasonable and careful teacher of those Vile Words… though he too is completely taken in by our Favorite Perverted False Prophet!!!  The Certifiably Insane–because, that is the definition of insanity isn’t it, that you keep ‘doing the same thing over and over again and expect different results’.  Different, like an actual true word from that one we have so messed up! LOL!

Too, too ironic for words! That genius Dracovox has got all of the leaders of the Sewer Movement to believe those ridiculous words the Certifiably says, but still, the shoe-Shunnamite thing the “prophet’s” wife just spoke may just be going a little too far! We are all getting much too overconfident of this group! …I must dash a note off to Dracovox about his pupil … Our patient’s husband must seem mainstream! That is our marketing plan, we are positioning him to influence all the Points of Sale, not just the ones we control. He must not have his suspicions roused, nor any one of his acolytes, nor the larger pool of patients. Be careful not to reveal our hand in this, my dear.

Hah! Little hope for them of that, since my dear brother Screwtape so efficiently removed all the signposts a generation ago. Or, as one of our patient’s acolytes simpered recently at one of our Points of Sale, “I’m just not a Bible person…”, which in her mind means, “I’m not one of those awful Pharisees! Those legalists! I just think it’s important to love our fallen brothers and sisters, and not be so judgmental! After all, David sinned, and blah, blah blah!” Ah, my brother Screwtape is a brilliant manipulator! We must emulate him at every point.

We’ve got good traction on that Groupthink.  We’ve made them so afraid of “touching the Lord’s anointed” (my own little genius twist on that phrase!) So our patients never check what is said by our Mouthpieces against the filthy lies in that Diabolical Book they claim is their inspiration for all the wacky words we put in their minds! Wacky words? …or should I say “Wakey, Wakey words*?”

It is choice, my dear niece, simply choice, what you suggested to the acolyte’s mind, and she thinks it is the Enemy who put those words there!…no wonder you gave way to the impulse to laugh (you have my greatest sympathy) but really my dear, I must caution you to control yourself! Our patient may catch on!

Doubtful as it is at this point, since her mind seems to be completely given over to a love of our lies. And Most Importantly! How she loves her feelings, those wonderful manifestations we provide her that she believes are a gift from the Enemy. Brilliant strategy concocted by Our Father Below! None of our wonderfully deluded patients must ever, ever see those kundalini Yoga worshipers’ YouTube videos, or the urgent warning posted with them, and until we get them removed, see that your patient never so much clicks anywhere near where they may be posted. If she sees how her behavior in her “worship” of the Enemy exactly matches the “unsaved” she will begin to doubt her feelings, and this she must never, never be allowed to do.  We have already put the spin on kundalini, that it is a redemptive link to the culture, and those practicing this kind of yoga are only longing for the real form of worship it imitates.  Or something like that. But to see it is another thing.

Oh, and they think they are bringing “revival” wherever they shout those words! Too rich. Death of the real thing in their hearts, rather! “Wakey, wakey”–not a chance, not while they are “whacked”– just the way we like them to stay. Hah! In that state, they will always be ignorant of our devices! Still, we must be careful, it isn’t over till it is over. Till they never wake again, except to be safely awake in Our Father’s House, forever! LOL!!! So, Wormsponge, though I hate that virtue of prudence, we must exercise it here. No more “Angelic” laughter discernible to the patients!

your affectionate Auntie
SHREWSHAPE

*HT to http://mkayla.wordpress.com/2010/01/07/wakey-wakey-whacked-words/ for this “choice” of words.  It was  M’Kayla’s hilariously sad post which inspired this satire. And she does a great job of eviscerating the poor judgement of Beni Johnson, wife of Bill Johnson there.  And to to Chrystal, of  “Slaughtering the Sheep”, and PJ Miller of ” Sola Dei Gloria”, who also provided me with links.

Thank you Father,  for all that these hardworking bloggers do to expose the apostasy and warn God’s people of the dangers of the False Prophetic Movement!

Conversations after Eden

January 6, 2010

Jan van Eyck- The Ghent Altarpiece - Adam (detail)

“Why do you blame me?” This night,
she held back no longer her need to assuage.
“You were with me
when I ate!
You heard that wicked creature’s enticements!
Why did you not protect me? Why were you silent?”
Bitterness ricochets off the cavern’s walls; even
punishing did not satisfy, nothing did.
The accusation echoes —  then she is wrenched
with guilt at the muffled sobs of the man. He never
wept.   Always that flinty gaze, even when
exiting the garden.

Then Cain wakes. She turns from the man’s side
to the child; he nestles at her comforting breast,
and slumbers again. Adam murmurs, finally, “Woman,
I forgave you, as I named you. You are ‘Giver
of Life’! Eve, forgive me — or  the promises
will wither, as all our crops have done.” She hears his plea,
she ransoms fear, her fingers drip with liquid myrrh,
to open the handles of the bolt, yet he has risen from their bed.
And another day she must endure of
her soul failing when he spoke.

He groans, feeling his body’s bane, the chill of Fall,
and an ebbing fire. He sees an ebony mamba,
a sneering glint, slithering away
towards the field’s briers, and though he knows
her seed would smash its head, he will taunt a snake.
“You are finished!” His voice sounds ridiculous in
the empty silence. So Adam wearily waits for
more light, yearning for that dawn
when the sting of thorns will be ended, and
his children will not return to dust — only be made new.